It’s not easy to change a habit that’s been with us for years. But outside of cursing a little more than you think it’s appropriate to do so, or perhaps wearing your heart on your sleeve and having a quick temper in stressful situations, certain habits can be destructive.
For example, perhaps you drink a little more than you’d like and know you can’t keep it up. Possibly, you’ve struggled with disordered eating. Maybe you’ve had a history of gambling in the past. All these habits and more can affect anyone at any time, regardless of age, too.
For this reason, it’s important to be mindful of how to change a destructive and difficult life habit that has been like a ball and chain around you for years. Not solely because you want to live free of this harm but because you feel that it could lead to real difficulties if you don’t get a handle on it now.
If that’s the case, how might you get a handle on it? Let’s consider that, below:
Remind Yourself Of The Value In This Process
It’s understandable to feel quite negative and upset when you realize that a bad habit has been very harmful to you and needs to change. For some people, it can be associated with a huge reduction of mental wellness, an overall sense of optimism, or even feeling at rock bottom.
But there are also reasons to be optimistic. If you follow this process, the only way is up. Creating a better version of yourself can be enjoyable and truly redemptive. So, think about what your life could look like without this destructive pattern hanging over you.
Inviting a small bit of positivity from that point on could help you get through the tougher days. While finding real support that assists you is important, you may find a little beauty or comfort in eating disorder recovery affirmations, for example.
Ultimately, You Need To Accept The Full Scope Of The Issue
The hard truth is that you can't fix something if you're constantly making excuses or downplaying its impact. Be brutally honest with yourself. How has this habit affected your life? Write it down if you need to. Maybe it's impacting your relationships, career, health, or self-esteem. Perhaps all of that and more. If you have this clearly outlined, you can avoid othering the problem and instead keep it in full view.
Just keep in mind that acceptance isn't about beating yourself up at all. You’re trying to solve a problem and not add to it by bathing yourself in chastising yourself. This means you instead tackle the problem with clear-eyed recognition. You might not have tried this before. That’s not to say you have to be completely detached—this is your life, after all—but having a wider view can help you see more clearly.
Don't Do It Alone
This is important to stress – trying to tackle a major life change in complete isolation is like running a marathon without any prior training or footwear. It's possible, maybe if you took a few days and really threw your health against it, but why make it so incredibly difficult for yourself?
This can be tough for many people because asking for help could expose your issue to those you would rather keep it hidden from. You might fear others being disappointed in you or upsetting those you care about. But it’s important to note that hiding a struggle from them would upset them anyway. It’s best to show that you trust them, and if you do trust them to try and be constructive, a lot of healing can take place here. Sometimes, just knowing your loved one is in your corner can make all the difference in the world.
Join A Support Group
No matter what kind of help you need, there will be no doubt a support group. A good one, too. Perhaps even a charity in your nearest city that gets funding to help individuals such as yourself overcome personal challenges. That’s not to say you’re weak if you need support from a group like this – that’s exactly what they’re here for, and going to them shows courage. It doesn’t matter if that has to do with an addiction or perhaps a circumstance like having too much debt.
Such support groups can usually offer either in-person meetings or an online community. Either way, these spaces can provide empathy, understanding, the chance to express yourself in a safe environment, and potentially mutually beneficial programs to work with, like finding accountability partners.
Understand The Mechanisms Of The Habit
If you go to a group like Alcoholics Anonymous, you’ll not only go for support and all the benefits we outlined above but also for the mechanics of the habit itself. You might even begin to ask yourself questions for the first time.
For instance, why do you turn to this habit? Is it stress? Emotional pain? Boredom? Something deeper? You might consider what it’s like when you know you’re about to relapse into it, be that feeling the urge to head to the cash machine or check the sports listings for something to bet on.
Understanding the root causes helps you develop healthier coping mechanisms and identify the triggers before they’re upon you and demanding action from you. In fact, these rituals that we gave an example of just now can be as much part of the habit as anything else—for some, it’s heading to the shop and talking to the clerk who sells cigarettes. Understanding this more deeply allows you to limit what actually impacts you instead of brushing it aside as if it were nothing.
Again, consider keeping a journal. Track when the urge hits. What were you feeling? What was happening around you? You’ll slowly start to see patterns here, and once you see those patterns, you can start interrupting them.
Clearly Outline Its Harmful Effects
Sometimes we need a reality check. Make a comprehensive list of how this habit is negatively impacting your life. It’s not fun to do this, but it can be instructional as long as you’re specific. How is it affecting your physical health? Your mental well-being? Your relationships? What is your financial situation? What regrets do you have over it? Sometimes, that info has to be a little more obvious and important before we start to make a step toward improvement.
However, this isn't about self-punishment, so don’t think you have to wallow in unhappiness for it to work. It’s just that to help reduce a habit, you also have to address the harm it causes. So, for instance, if you’ve been overeating, you might also begin to exercise more with daily walks. This means that the effort you make to keep up that new habit will mean relapsing into bad habits feels less worthwhile than ever because that means undoing such progress.
Remind Yourself Daily
Untangling a life habit takes time, and with that comes the inclination to fall back into your habits. After all, chronic processes might seem “normal” to you, but actually stopping them can feel like a hard effort. So it’s important to create reminders that keep you on the right path and allow you to stick to it.
Maybe it's a note on your mirror, a phone wallpaper, or a daily meditation or journaling practice. This will help you keep your “why” front and center without needing to reinvent it each time. From there, you can begin to.
Set Minor, Simple, Easy-To-Achieve Goals
No therapist or specialist will suggest you climb the entire mountain in one day. It’s much, much better to set tiny, achievable goals. Maybe it's going one day without the habit. Then, two days. Then, a week. Maybe it’s going for a walk down the street. Then perhaps to the edge of the local park. Then, through the park. They're going on a hike. Over time, momentum can build.
You should feel able to celebrate every single victory, no matter how small. Seriously. Did you resist the urge for an hour? That's huge for some people. Maybe you wanted to go to the bar on your usual schedule tonight, but you decided to stay home, take a bath, and get an early night instead. That’s worth being proud of yourself for.
It’s always important to recognize that breaking a habit is a journey. A habit is about how you live your life, not necessarily the constant decisions you engage in. So, it will take some time to conform to your general nature. It won't disappear in seconds if it’s been built up over time. But accepting that can give you the strength to move forward more than ever.
With this advice, we hope you can more easily change that deep and difficult life habit and turn that extra energy into something more nourishing.
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